Sustaining a good relationship ( staying connect , pretending you're the same person you used to be after going through different paths in life - meeting a new surrounding - a new circle of friend ) , I found its hard for me to be the person I used to be , as the process of learning requires me as a whole ( including the mind , body and soul ) to grow up as well.
And I could never deny at some points I do ditch some people whom I categorized as merely memories , well somehow its not you yourself who chose those people in that particular part of memories fade away , I guess the cells in the brain automatically transmit those to the relevant section in the brain , as its fading from the reality ( I mean the time I am facing now ) section.
You get what I say? I am talking about this virtually imagination on how my brain partitioned stuff ikut logik budak law. Deng ! I must have been humiliating the science stream people * bow down , I am sorry *
Somehow I feel bad about myself. Paling common , lupa pakai kata ganti nama diri sendiri dengan certain people , like we used to use aku kau then suddenly changed to kita / ( insert nama sesiapa ) and as the conversation goes down , you somehow picked that memories
" Eh aku dulu pakai aku kau dengan dia ni " and awkward.
tapi somehow at some points , I will let the ego side of me to speak , like how concern you can be , thinking on how to sustain a good relation when other party does not even bother about your existence anymore. And I guess they must have been going through the same " memories washed away " phase. And I guess I live in many people's part of memories section. And somehow waiting to be deleted in that people's life.
At the end of the day I know , things are not going to be the same , like how it used to be. You just need to accept , we all meet new people and the process of memories fading away seems normal to anyone. And the cycle goes , you'll meet new people - perhaps somebody is calling you with your unfamiliar names just because you wanted to change the rhythm like how I want people to call me Najwa instead of Anis during high school and here , since Najwa sounds hard to pronounce , I usually introduce myself as Anis. with the stress syllable of 'A' instead of ' E' . Aku penat haih betulkan , my name is Anis , A for Apple. haha.
serious sikit najwa. Jangan menerawang.
Aku rasa aku tak boleh marah bila orang dah lupa how close we used to be before. Sebab kadang aku sendiri lupa nak cherish the moment at the right timing , I missed the timing isn't it? I guess its a yes.
Mungkin aku / kita ada limitation people yang kita keep close in contact dan mungkin kapasiti yang aku boleh sustain dalam satu masa cuma beberapa manusia. Yang aku harap , aku included dalam vital list hidup diaorang to be sustained and kept close. Supaya its a mutual relation - where both parties exist do commit.
Takpelah. Kita manusia kot. Masing masing own defect. Aku pun tak boleh nak deny kau ada hidup kau. And aku pun kena jugak kot terima kenyataan and pat my own shoulder , and move on.
Moga sentiasa bawah jagaan Dia.
Tak bersua di dunia nyata ,
Bersama dalam doa ,
aku kira itu cinta. Takpelah.