2018
I hope its never too late to write something to mark the starting of 2018, its the fifth day of 2018 and my life had been hectic since then ( aicewah )
THIS POST HAS BEEN IN DRAFT FOR A WEEK ! Just whats wrong with me and 2018 has been like going for eleven days , which people usually goes #Page11oftheyear wait till we goes up to the second ten of the month people may don't even bother to think what page it was, you just lost count of the days because you dwell in too deep in your life stories #leuls
so these writing may be sounds confusing ;
I'm currently recovering from my sudden sick days, was not really in the pink of health , caught flu and down with fever too. Last two days, I took more the usual panadol soluble because I guess it works best for me above all other paracetamols , I guess I took more than what's prescribed, I even got myself an isotonic drink ( thought it would fasten the recovery ), I end up sleeping after Maghrib till the next morning T______T I thought I promised to do some revision ( but I didn't obviously )
I've listed quite a number of very detailed goals in the year 2018 which I choose to keep most of it written inside my personal notebook. To be honest I ticked most of my 2017 hopes and dreams, even the visibility of toning down my weight ( alhamdulillah )
And since I am soon 24, I started to pay more attention towards my appearance, which means I spent quite some money for that wise too. I was freaked out last week to find that I have a quite disturbing white heads and blackheads too T.T , and my sister told me like how it was formed and all. Its been quite a while since I applied even a toner on my face, a moisturizers is out of equation of course. When I was in the UK, I was quite constant with these facial care, and each time I apply the toner I couldn't see any colours changed on the cotton pad, little that I realized that I am now in a different place and surrounding. ( facepalm )
So now I am back into the track, though I loathe the moisturizers since it makes my skin feels sticky and sweaty too ( but its the light moisturizer howwww ) . I bought myself a matte lipstick because its been a while since I own a lipstick , time to really grow up I guess?
I don't really equate being presentably pleasing with growing up , but I guess its just a part of the process and perhaps the inner woman inside me wanted to just blend in and to try whatever it takes to be an adult woman.
I hope someday I will have that strength to learn on how to apply more than just the basics, for now I am at my happiest state to show my bare face to the whole world haha I can't be bothered by this ( yet )
now that its 2018 - CLP feels much surreal !
and I'm fully conscious about this one fact, I don't study much, but I've started this rusty engine of mine by arranging the notes, and I shall start writing legit whole scripts for the questions. So I hope that you'll continue to put me in your prayers specifically for studying wise ( miahahhaha )
on a side note, I'm in a training phase of detaching familiar things to me , as a matter of self-empowerment and control ( you made it sounds fancayyyyh ) , some people call it as a diet but I don't think I am doing my diet right haha
I subtly stopping myself from taking heavy dinners , which for now I substitute it to an apple , eating before 8.00 pm. For now its quite easy , I just need to refrain myself from having cash , plus I have class on top , I don't really have the time to eat proper dinner. Apples would do for now.
But the struggles are real when it comes to withdrawing myself from eating Nasi Lemak for breakfast, plus you're living in the heavenly blessed with foods ( read Malaysia ) , that struggle passing by the stalls and feeling proud ( that feeling of passing the stores without buying anything in the end of Confession of Shopaholics scene haha ).
So far I tell myself, don't be so hard on yourself, reduce it from daily to only two times in a week, Monday and Friday. Leaving some gaps in between so perhaps in the future I free myself from this haunting Nasi Lemak. And I'm substituting the Nasi Lemak with something not even close, still apples HA-HA because it seems to be the easiest fruit to find and last long. I saw tomatoes on the shelves yesterday, and I thought it would be good for breakfast.
But nevertheless I don't dare starving myself ( I can't ) - I still take normal lunch , a normal portion of lunch, so far this kind of life is bearable , and very cost-saving as well ( I am living tight now T.T )
and familiarizing myself again with the sunnah fasting - Monday and Thursday. I guess these kind of training of detaching myself from different kind of attachment is vital and crucial for me. Slowly but surely insyaAllah.
Personally, I don't think growing attachment to living or non living things is good, perhaps by detaching, I am learning to protect my own feeling, and hence feeling good about myself.
I don't know how this philosophy is making its sense to you, but that's how I see it for now.
This morning I was pondering whether I made a good decision by being stern and put a halt to something I desired, I was sad of course because its something that I really really really want. but I know the more I prolonged this , I knew its not right ( its not just my judgement of 'right' or 'wrong' but its what I felt what is right or wrong in Allah's definition ).
It did pierced my heart so deep , but I know Allah is acknowledging my effort to please Him, and for whatever reason, this is all for him. And if I exercise more patience, I know the reward will be immense on me.
Hoping that I will stand on my decision , and not to look back. I hope. doakan.
what an insight of starting 2018 this year.
*someone is adulting *
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