Sense of defeat ( victory ey) and recovery.

According to a research, a feeling got intensified when you denies it, so its always better to acknowledge it, the sadness, the stress, the hateful feeling - well that's what I always say to myself, but how really acknowledging means? 

Does it mean you venting the feelings into somekind of action or what? Punching something?

So I figured that tears could be one of it - and be brutally honest with yourself on what exactly that makes you sad , and what makes you angry , you don't have to always be positive in this self-admitting phase.

Let them off your head and heart. ( I should go for a swim isn't it )

For the very first time in my life, I felt defeated by non-living virtual thing that connects you with the feeling of being connected to the world ( fancayyyh isn't it ) . 

I think I just hit the very bottom of my heart issues yesterday - it was a throbbing pain ( and I cried my heart out and breathing seems so hard because I was trying to hide it from my roommate lol ) and I deactivated my social medias accounts ( well except for Tumblr and Blog haha ) because I just need that very time off. 

Maybe I was really stressed out yesterday - I am so tired for classes , I am sleepy , I am hungry and broke too. Loooooooooool. 

In my whole life I always tell myself to not get affected by these non-living things , ( most of the time is because I don't really remember the passwords haha ) , example ; when I was studying , you know that feeling of victory being able to withstand yourself from scrolling the timeline that consumes half of your day and all you do is studying . 

Well I do acknowledge how attached I can, or we can be to these things. But my mind keeps telling me ; you don't want to get defeated by this because you're strong ( aicewah lempang karang * scary laugh emoticon * ) ( singing Fight song ) ( while dancing to the steps )

Funny how my mind actually work that way when this is not a big issue for someone else. haha

But I just got defeated yesterday the moment I choose to just delete them all 

And if defeated makes you feel better, I'm embracing this defeated phase. 

And I had my mind saying ' Until and unless you made your head straight, do not activate all these virtual things' and this morning I just realized how important Facebook is because I needed to know the updates for CLP classes duhhhhhh ( installing back the apps haha - few seconds after that notification for class updates )

Recently I got few questions on Instagram asking on how do I keep myself happy and motivated at the same time? 

My diet just went into the holocaust chambers being killed by the hungry vegan bears haha 

and the fact that the same question being asked for few times and few people - I bet that's how I portray my life to people. And indeed I am happy but I am human with complete senses insyaAllah, I can be sad and not motivated at all HA-HA whats wrong of being sad and tired leuls. 

Because after all, it is what you choose to show to people, its not that I'm giving the wrong idea on how emotional I could be at times. 

Because instagram is about the visual - for me its just so awkward to take a video of you crying or being angry or being stressed out. 

I had myself thinking ' Lets just be hateful, don't be sorry to others, be sorry for yourself, when you hate something - just go all out, hate the person for good ' 

but that's me trying hard to do something I am not good at. 

I love myself to the extent of not wanting to bottle hateful feelings inside my heart by hating someone. 

Because my logic is this exactly ; HATE is a feeling that your heart identify. And if your heart identifies the presence of that feeling - it will stay inside the capacity of what your heart can take and definitely make my heart feeling weary and tired. 

The longer you stores the feeling inside your heart , the longer you take to forget the person who caused it. Because its there inside your heart - even though the feeling is not love, hateful is a feeling. 

so I come to a settlement with myself " Don't do things you're not good at" just like how you decided to ditch Mathemathics during your A-levels hahah 

I know I am being stupid by being bare about my feelings - being totally vulnerable but lets take that as a good lesson for myself. 

Lets not be sorry to others, be sorry for yourself. 

Its not that I make no mistake, I made a lot of them , I admitted to the mistakes I've done and the miseries I caused , and I am sorry for that - but this got to stop. For real. I am regaining my sense - and I can definitely do this !

HA-HA I woke up today feeling better than ever. 

Najwa

You always have your own stand. You know what you really want. And you know too well that you're very used to compromising things but you got to acknowledge yourself ; be bold ! 

Now that I deactivated the accounts ( but had to accept Facebook need to be alive - I wanted to read more and more = but someone is broke , but nevermind shut my one eye and buy new books haha 

one thing I am always grateful for in life is that I don't really have eye bags - maybe because my eyes are small idk. And I bought myself two new scarves, I went to the Central Market (Pasar Seni) AGAIN ! last Saturday just for the scarves hew hew hew.

and its okay to take your own good time for recovering. 

LETS, FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL, STOP FOR GOOD ANIS NAJWA :)

Strong and bold ( hopefully ) , the'ann