Thanks to Him, HE'S my everything :')

I'm in a mood to love and to be love.

Is it wrong to feel jealous about something that seems worthless to be jealous with? 

Like being jealous to teenage-love. Jealous pada sesuatu yang haram dan sesuatu yang tak pasti. Because their relationship isn't a sure to meet their end-happily-ever-after-to-jannah. 

Entah bila boleh jumpa long lost mate. The owner of tulang rusuk. But if I were the one who to decide when I should meet him, I shall say NO for now. Because I am ain't ready physically nor mentally. I really wanted to meet you. Like so bad. But I'm sorry, I won't let you see me now. For the time being, let Allah fares a better fate :')

I am scared I might turned into everything I said I'd never be, 

macam berjanji untuk tak jatuh lagi dalam false-love alarm. But in future, how it undertakes. Mohon agar diri sendiri tak makan janji sendiri. 

I was talking to my mum past few days. Talking about dreams. About future. Ibu kata, nanti insyaAllah bila sampai sana * she means oversea in two years time ( ameeeen ) * jangan berubah jadi orang lain. Jangan pernah lupa asal usul diri. Bila jauh, jangan buat benda yang anis tak pernah buat bila ibu ayah depan mata. :") I said I won't and I hope that I'd still say I WON'T and NEVER in five to six years time. 

Thanks to Him. Now I am 18. I spend my days ignoring you, and my nights disobeying you. But still, you never forget me; not even for a second. Oh Allah, change me. I know I am not good. I've gone astray for times , I'm even scared that I would never get back into the track. 

Bring me back. To the track. And keep me in that siratul mustaqim. I know You'd never leave me. Sesungguhnya aku merasakan kepayahan nak berubah. Tapi berubahlah walaupun payah. I know that. I acknowledge it.

Kuatkan hati ini. Make the determination stronger. I know You know me that deep. Not a single thing that I can hide from You. You know what I want. Its hard for me to express in words. 

Guide Me. Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim :")