Rindu Melaka. I shall be thinking about going back. Turn down by emotions and the money too. Heartbroken.
I could have more clear reason why I write early in the morning. Well actually I don't. I write without purpose. Gahhh I need someone to understand. At least by supporting the idea of me choosing what I want and where I want to pursue my degree. Enough with ONLY that if I don't want more tears to streamed down again and again . After having suam-suam kuku punya breakfast. Biscuits. Couldn't ask for more. Iiiaaaargh. Currently reading History and still its against my will to take this subject. I know that I am NOT that into-english-reading-stuff even english novel doesn't work on me. But still, I am stung by my own words which I promise to myself and anybody else surround me that I'll TRY.
Strained. Devastated. Please.
So History really drive my emotions to acidic values. Still searching what drive my passions on Sejarah back in highschool. The era scoring 90+ . Language matters. I do care. Oh mana pergi semangat?
Sungguh aku berkobar-kobar nak masuk Sem 2. Learn new things. Even sebenarnya in black-in-white , aku ni sebenarnya tengah enroll A-level for overseas. I do realize the reality. But. Tapi y'know the kind of feeling when people ask, "pergi UK ke nanti? " You eventually answer " InsyaAllah KALAU fly , UK insyaAllah " . Because we A-level students *or is it just me * were uncertain. To fly, your results matter. Ielts exams. To go above the cut-off points. Well I wish people could understand. The journey ain't that easy.
Tak pernah rasa nak cakap, tak bersyukur be the chosen one. Tapi somehow in a way. I am still a human by scientific. Result sem 1 really affect my life. Erghhhhhhh. WHY Y NO UNDERSTAND ME? why you make the journey harder than before. Why cant anybody understand how slow I am dealing with numbers. Why can't you people understand that I need to focus more on my A2 ( full subject) rather than making my head pissed off by the AS subject. Why?
The reasons why I can't really stand History at my first sight :
Its an AS subject. Well this semester I had my MATH for my A2. So I need to spare more time for my mushhy dovey Math. For some people, they're easy on math. But not me * I talk with my past experiences* . So attentions should be given more on math. Oh yea? Kan?
Aku ni sebenarnya layak distar-light beribu kali sebab penuh dengan negative charges. Repel on most everything positive. Well I hurt many people in this two days time. I am sorry.
I realize yang Everyone born with their own shoes. So They could never live in your shoes. Even if they try to wear it, it doesn't suit their size. So to expect people to understand you, its ridiculous . So aku fahamlah yang aku memang tak layak untuk difahamkan. Sedih.
Ya Allah. You know how hard for me to survive these past days. You know where my capabilities stand. Aku tak putus putus doa untuk Kau tunjuk yang terbaik. Even if I don't like it, aku mohon pinjamkan sikit kekuatan. At least, at least it can help me inside.